Rejected Author Finds Audience in Spouses of Bipolar Husbands and Wives...

Elizabeth Atlas wanted to reach out to other spouses of bipolar husbands and bipolar wives like herself, so she wrote Married To Mania, a story about her 15 years of marriage to a bipoloar husband.

Her mission was to shorten the learning curve and make resources available to other spouses in bipolar relationships, which had taken her almost 15 years to accumulate. Most bipolar support groups are for parents, siblings or adults children of bipolar parents, Atlas said. I joined every bipolar disorder support group I could find, subscribed to every publication, even did exhaustive online research, but I rarely met spouses of bipolar husbands or bipolar wives who could help me make sense of relationship. So I thought my book would be welcomed by the bipolar support community. Boy, was I wrong.

Atlas said she was turned down by every bipolar disorder organization she approached to offer proceeds of her book. The general consensus was that her book was too negative or not supportive. One Executive Director wrote to her after reading her book to tell her, Thanks for the opportunity to review your book, 'sMarried to Mania.'s While it has some excellent material, we are not willing to put it on our website at this time. Some of our concerns unfortunately outweigh the many good parts. While we value your telling of your personal experiences, we want to foster Recovery, which is a reality for most persons with mental illnesses.

Atlas couldn'st believe that an organization who fostered recovery for half its community couldn'st also foster support and education for its other half--the caregivers of those with bipolar disorder. I had to laugh, Atlas continued. I had been nothing, if not supportive, for more than 15 years. Of course these mental health agencies want to foster recovery-that'ss what they'sre mandated to do. But the people who needed to know the information I had weren'st the sick bipolar husbands and wives! They already had plenty of help. I wanted to reach the well spouse who was in pain like I was. The ones caring for those with bipolar disorder and trying to stay in their marriages. Anyone who'ss lived with someone with bipolar knows how easy it can be to fall apart, to unravel that last thread of support that holds the family together!

When Atlas realized that the bipolar support industry was never going to understand her perspective on the definition of support, she decided to publish her book online. Two years later, Married To Mania has become a best-seller on http://www.MarriedToMania.com, selling over a thousand copies in over 38 countries--directly to the target audience she wanted to help: spouses of bipolar husbands and bipolar wives. They even write to her directly to let her know she helped.

I received the book yesterday, and have read it through twice already. There are no words for me to describe the level of emotion evoked through reading this informationsadness, awareness, shock, disbelief (are those all denial) just an overall unsettling feeling at the enormity of the situation I am in being 'smarried to mania.'s But also relief that there is someone else out there who gets it, wrote Lynn from Michigan. Thank you for writing 'sMarried to Mania's and for providing this tool.

Atlas knew she didn'st have medical credentials to write Married To Mania. But she knew her 15 years of marriage to a bipolar husband qualified her to share her in-the-trenches experiences. I was very motivated to stay married, and I was looking for all the answers I could find to help me do so, she said. But it was virtually impossible to find very many options that matched my situation. Most bipolar support groups are created for parents of bipolar children. Or they are for adult children or siblings of bipolar parents. In the many support groups I attended over the years, I rarely met spouses.

Spouses are overlooked and underserved in the bipolar treatment world, Atlas believes. They continually question whether their emotional needs in their marriage are more or less important than the needs of their sick bipolar spouse. Choosing their own emotional needs first is often viewed as selfish, and the well spouse often punishes herself with guilt, then anger toward the sick spouse.

Inevitably, this creates more problems for the marriage. But putting the spouse'ss emotional, physical and mental health needs first, especially because he is sick, takes away the identity of spouse and replaces it with that of caregiver. And that'ss when quality of life can suffer

A spouse is alone in coping with the illness of a bipolar husband or his bipolar wife, said Atlas.

The divorce rate with bipolar disorder is two to three times higher than in the general population. Atlas said she was alarmed when she did manage to find a spouse'ss support group. One third of the group had husbands who were recluses or incapable of holding a job, one third were divorced because of violence to them or their children, and one third were suicide widows. The suicide rate for bipolar disorder is 12 times higher than the normal population.

Everyone in the support group thought I was in denial for wanting to stay married. So I didn'st go back, Atlas explained. Some help isn'st help. But I felt more isolated than ever. I just knew there had to be better choices than living with bipolar chaos and avoiding emotional mine fields everyday.

Married To Mania was the result of Atlas finding the answers that worked for her. And her book is now available to other spouses of bipolar husbands and wives who want to learn to handle mood swings, uncontrollable anger, and the guilt and remorse that comes from realizing that the life partner chosen may no longer be the one you married.

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