Waiter Runs for Mayor of San Diego



May 6, 2005 -- With the 7th largest city in the US spiraling towards bankruptcy the notion of a waiter taking over the reigns of municiple power is laughable. Except if you're in California where child actors and down and out porn stars routinely run for officeand get thousands of votes.

"I'm smarter than Gary Coleman and a better actor than Ron Jeremy," newly declared mayoral candidate J. Stephen O'Laughlin points out. And Stephen's a better waiter to, where he currently works at California Pizza Kitchen. "I guess I'm the proletariat candidate with a common sense plan."

That's right, this waiter has a 10 point plan to turn San Diego around. O'Laughlin calls it The Brilliant Deal (and yes, O'Laughlin is trying to compare himself to the Roosevelts and Truman). And his Brilliant Deal, if not brilliant, is at least original. O'Laughlin wants to auction off San Diego's streets on Ebay to raise money for the pension deficit.

"Having streets named after letters of the alphebet are for rural, podunk towns," O'Laughlin said referring to downtown San Diego's A through J streets. "It's like our planners just gave up. 'Man, this naming streets is hard work. Let's just call this one J and go grab a burger.'"

O'Laughlin believes corporations and rich, San Diego loving philanthropists will shell out millions of dollars to change C Street to Starbucks Boulevard.

"At first people may be opposed to the notion of having McDonalds Drive, but I think once they balance that with a 40% hike in taxes they might come around."

O'Laughlin's campaign staff has received a suprising amount of letters and emails in support for his ideas.

"We believe San Diego is ripe for change," campaign manager Chris Dorsey said in a phone interview. "People want something done, and they want it done boldly. How many times do Ivy League graduates have to screw up our municipalities before we wake up and smell the coffee I smell it. I've been smelling it for awhile now."

The other tenets to "The Brilliant Deal" include taxing people based on their Body Mass Index (which O'Laughlin claims will cut down on diabetes and the costs of city health care), ending downtown metered parking, giving kittens to the homeless (solving the stray problem), making strip club patrons wash their hands (to prevent the spread of flu), and allowing coffee houses to lease space in the city's libraries.

But what would happen if this dark horse actually won

"Well running a government is definately not a piece of cake," O'Laughlin said "But it might be as simple as pie."





Waiter Runs for Mayor of San Diego